You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
