see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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