I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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