the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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