If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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