Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
