btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
