Someone shit on the floor
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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