Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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