It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
