we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Someone signed my nipple.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize