pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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