sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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