what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
