No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
