You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
