i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize