Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
