how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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