just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
