Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
