I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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