you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
