summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
