chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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