Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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