I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
