I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Pooping to opera.
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