I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
