Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
