Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
