I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
