We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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