Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked most of my soul out..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
