I smell stomach acid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
