Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
