at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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