we have officially lost it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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