I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
