i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize