My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
high people should be assigned attendants
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
