And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
