If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
