Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize