i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
