I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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