I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
