the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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