That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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