dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
