White coat. Heels.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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