Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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