12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize