I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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