I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
