she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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