I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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