sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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