There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
