hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
