Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
