who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She bit a glass in half.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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