this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
