Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
