Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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