just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize