i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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