Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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