Do you still have your period?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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