did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
