The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
pray to the hookup gods
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize