Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
