Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
