Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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