I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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