If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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