so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
