She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
