between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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