I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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