last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
