would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
