So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
it's not cheating when I paid for it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize