I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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