Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
