i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
