Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize