you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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