I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
