The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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