The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
