with your own penis?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
birth control should be required to get into college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
