did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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