bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
