And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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