Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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