your thong is hanging out like whoa
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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