I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
