Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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