and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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