she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
