sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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