you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
