I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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