Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
