There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I understand Curling. That high.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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