I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
