I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How naked do you want me to be?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
