My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
